Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize