just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize