Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
