i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
