i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I intend to get homeless drunk
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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