the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
