Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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