he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
