he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
