just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
