Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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