If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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