Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
