i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
