There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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