All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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