Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
