ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
