I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
