last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
