i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
