it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
