Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
