Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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