Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
