yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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