I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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