He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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