I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize