Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
