Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
