we're blogging at a bar
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
