I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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