I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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