I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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