So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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