It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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