I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
