I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
