Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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