We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I touched a dick in church today
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize