Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
