my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
