I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize