just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
