You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
