There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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