Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
