i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
