If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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