What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
