Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
