yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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