It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
