I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
