I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
