I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
