I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
