my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
