I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
