hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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