Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My vagina is officially offended.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
