im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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