Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
