i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
