Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
