someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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