mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
