i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
