Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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