I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
